oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
