Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Randomize
