After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Houston, we have a squirter
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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