Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
