I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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