Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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