his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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