Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
