Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
