Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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