gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
