The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
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