I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
