If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
