DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
