My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
