DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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