Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
