Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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