So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
