dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
