All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
