I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Need sex. Gaining weight.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Randomize
