her vagine was all disorganized.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Farmville is her only friend.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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