you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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