that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
is wine microwaveable?
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
