If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Randomize
