I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
