i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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