My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
