I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Randomize
