I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize