There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
