I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Randomize
