I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
