nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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