Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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