just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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