You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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