Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
