problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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