8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Randomize
