I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
