Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
