i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
