Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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