She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
