jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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