So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
