I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Randomize
