Don't you send me to vm
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
