the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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