I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
