Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
