Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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