even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
