A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
