You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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