i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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