I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize
