She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Who put my cat in the fridge?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
