That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
