fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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