i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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