We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
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