Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Randomize
