just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
