then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
The struggles of a small town man whore
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
