I hate all girls vehemently.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
