So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
